


Haunted Love

by Aevilok



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Heartbreak, Soulmate AU, but it has a mostly happy ending, it's really kinda sad guys, loving someone who's not your soulmate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 03:58:04
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15186251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aevilok/pseuds/Aevilok
Summary: “Is there no way for us to stay together?”He pulled back from her just enough to look into her eyes. He reached a hand up to cup the edge of her face, wipe away some of the tears. He smiled sadly down at her and shook his head. “I may not love you nearly as much as you deserve, but I do love you enough to let you go.”





	Haunted Love

_He could feel his lungs burning, his legs on fire as he raced after her ever fading form, her golden hair calling him ever forward, just out of reach. If he could just catch her, then maybe he could save her, he could save-_

_Suddenly she was gone and he was alone in a sudden world of darkness. No matter how hard he looked, he couldn’t see her. He couldn’t see anything. She had vanished and with her she had taken his eyes. He tried to call out her name, to let her know that he was still here, still looking for her, always looking for her, but when he went to speak, nothing left his lips. Over and over he tried to scream her name, scream-_

_And just as suddenly as she had disappeared, so too was the silence that he had been drowning in shattered, as her voice suddenly surrounded him, filling him up and overwhelming everything else but her. “Will you always love me?” she crooned, “Will you always be mine, no matter what I do to you?”_

_Yes._

_He wanted to shout but still no sound left his lips._

_“Maybe I’m too awful, too disgusting on the inside for you to want me? Is that why you’re so silent, my sun?”_

_Never._

_His inability to speak was now a physical pain to him as the desire to answer her burned so strongly from within._

_“You’re going to leave me someday aren’t you? Find somebody else to love, someone less broken, and then my sun will be gone and I will be all alone.”_

_I am yours. Whatever you wish I will do. Please, Rika-_

_Though still no words left his mouth, it was as though she could hear his silent plea, as her next words responded to his desperation. “Then die for me,” she whispered as he felt something both freezing cold and burning bloom in his chest, the pain intense in a way he had never felt before._

V woke with a scream as the phantom pain still bloomed from his chest. The panic wound tighter in his chest as he stared up into the darkness, breath being torn from his lungs before he could even use it. He tried to calm his breathing, to relax, do anything to sooth the horrible panic that felt like it was consuming him, but everything was spiraling out of his control.

Then, from the darkness, two soft hands appeared, gently taking his face between them, cradling him softly. Their gentle contact slowed the rushing of blood to his ears and he slowly began to hear a quiet murmuring, at first sounding like someone speaking underwater, all garbled and distorted, but as he tried to focus, he began to make out words.

“Jihyun, it’s okay. Can you hear me? If you can hear me I want you to repeat after me, can you do that?”

He sincerely doubted that he could, but the voice seemed to know what it was doing, and its hands were helping, so he nodded numbly, still staring blankly ahead into the darkness.

“Okay, that’s good, that’s good. Now repeat after me: 6, 7, 9, 13, 24, 10. Can you try that?” 

He tried to repeat what the voice said, but he couldn’t hear whatever came out of his mouth, if anything did, and he felt the panic well back up. The hands on his face rubbed soothingly, and the voice gently spoke again.

“It’s okay, Jihyun, let’s try again. 6, 7, 9, 13, 24, 10.”

“6… 7…” 

The hands stroked his cheeks encouragingly and he pushed forward. 

“9… 13… 24…”

“That was very good, Jihyun, so good. We’re gonna try it again okay? 6, 7, 9, 13, 24, 10.” This time as the voice spoke a face seemed to swim into his vision along with it, one that seemed achingly familiar but he couldn’t seem to remember how. 

“6, 7, 9… 13… 24, 10.”

He and the voice continued repeating the numbers back and forth as more and more details began to swim into focus as V found himself more and more in control of his breathing. That was MC’s voice. These were MC’s hands. He was laying in their bed. They were in their room. Rika was gone. She had never been there in the first place. 

When this last realization hit him, he felt all his remaining tension seep out of him as he stared up into MC’s concerned face. 

“MC?” he whispered, and saw the relief immediately flood her face.

She smiled down at him as one of her hands went up to card through his sweat drenched hair. “Hey, Jihyun. I’m right here, it’s all okay now.”

“I had a panic attack.” It wasn’t a question, just an observation. Panic attacks were not something new to him. He had been having them since long before he knew MC, and he didn’t doubt that he would continue to have them well into the future. But having MC here, to draw him back and help him calm down, helped him immensely.

“You did. You were having a nightmare.” Her hands kept carding through his hair and he couldn’t help but lean into the good sensation, even as exhaustion started to weigh down on him like a lead blanket.

“Thank you. For helping me.”

She nodded though her eyes were thoughtful. Then, after a moment’s hesitation, she asked, “Were you dreaming about her again?”

V watched her carefully, before nodding. “I was trying to save her again. I kept trying to tell her that I loved her, would always love her, but I couldn’t speak and she wouldn’t believe me and she-” Against his will tears welled up in his eyes as a sense of loss washed over him. “I’m so sorry. You just helped me and now I’m crying for her again and I…”

Seeing the tears in his eyes, she immediately began trying to soothe him, hand sliding from his hair back down to his face. “Hey, hey, no it’s okay, it’s okay. I’m not upset.”

He couldn’t help but lean into her hands, selfishly seeking the comfort her touch provided. “But you are so wonderful and you love me so much and I can’t even give you more love than a ghost. You deserve better.”

Her grip on his face tightened as she guided his head until he had no choice but to look straight in her eyes. Then with a fierce determination, she said, “Jihyun, I knew what I was getting into when we got together. She was your soulmate, you were meant for each other. I can accept that I can’t beat that. That’s not going to stop me from loving you.”

He stared up at her with regret, wishing he could love her more. Or that he was strong enough to stop clinging to her outstretched hand. “But you deserve someone who will love you even more than you love them.”

She smiled down at him and he didn’t miss the sadness in her eyes. “I know that you love me as much as you are able. And that’s enough for me.”

“I’m sorry.”

She let out a soft laugh as she moved to lay down next to him again, reaching her arms out towards him. “I told you, I’m not upset. There’s no reason to apologize. Now come over here. We can cuddle until you fall asleep. Maybe that will help keep the nightmares at bay.”

He knew he should resist, that he didn’t deserve a love so pure, but couldn’t resist the desire to be held, the promise of a dream with no ghosts haunting him. “I do love you…” he whispered as he held her close, wishing it was enough.

There was a silence that was just long enough that he thought she wasn’t going to respond before she quietly whispered back to him, her voice sounded tired and sad.

“I know.”

\----------------------------------------------------

When V next awoke, it was to an empty room with an empty bed. Blearily he blinked around the room, looking for MC, but not seeing her. He was about to pass it off as she was just in the bathroom and go back to sleep when he heard a muffled voice through the cracked bedroom doorway. Curious and just a little concerned, he crawled out of bed and walked over to the door, about to open it when he hears what sounds like MC crying and freezes. 

Peeking through the barely open door, he saw MC where she was sitting on one of their dining room chairs, her feet tucked up onto the chair with her, arms around her knees. She’s lit up by the light of her phone screen from where her phone rests nearby on the table. Before he can finish deciding whether or not he should go out to her, he hears her start to speak.

Sniffling and wiping a hand across her face to mop up some of the tears he can see glistening in the phone light, she says, “I just… I wish I could be enough for him.”

A voice comes out from the phone, presumably someone she is talking to over speaker phone. “MC…”

The voice is one that V knows well, and he can’t help but wonder what on earth Saeyoung and MC could be talking about at this hour. Why has it made her cry?

“And I know that’s stupid and selfish but I just… I had hoped that someday I would be able to save him from her ghost, even a little bit. But I haven’t helped at all.”

_Oh._

Saeyoung’s voice came out from the phone once again, gentle and soothing in a way V had never heard him be before. “MC, now you know that’s not true. He’s happier with you. He actually smiles now.”

MC scoffed at that before saying, “but that’s more to make me smile than it is because he’s happy. I know he feels guilty for not being able to love me as much as her, and so he acts happy because he thinks it’ll make me happy.”

“You don’t know that that’s true-”

She cut him off before even letting him finish that small hopeful sentence. “I do, and you know it is too.”

“… I’m sorry.”

V had thought that he had been hiding it better than that. MC does actually get genuine smiles out of him sometimes, but if he only ever smiled when he felt like it, he knows it would make her feel bad. But to think faking it would have this kind of effect. He grimaced as he waited for them to continue.

A bitter laugh left MC before she replied, each word leaving V stinging with guilt and regret. “Don’t apologize. He apologizes to me enough for everyone in the whole world. It’s like I tell him. I knew what I was signing up for when we got together. I’m not his soulmate and so he will never be able to love me that much. I’ve accepted that.”

What Saeyoung says next causes both him and MC to freeze. “You shouldn’t have to.”

“Saeyoung…”

“MC I know you love him, we all love him. But we love you too, and you deserve to be happy just as much as he does. And I know that if he heard you like this, he would agree with me. Because of how much he loves you.”

He watched MC as she curled even more tightly in on herself, saying, with a surprising amount of vehemence, “I can’t just abandon him, Saeyoung, not like she did, I-”

Saeyoung replied with just as much intensity. “You are nothing like her, MC. You have given him love and compassion and affection from moment one. The only thing she ever gave him is the ghosts that are still haunting him.” When she didn’t say anything after a moment, he continued. “I know you want to help him, that it kills you that you can’t save him from this. But it kills me when I hear you like this.”

He saw as MC reached toward the phone with one hand before pulling it back, as though forgetting for a moment that she couldn’t actually touch Saeyoung right now. When she spoke, her voice with full such a sad regret that he had never heard before. It sounded so gentle yet so heartbroken. “Saeyoung… I’m so sorry, it’s so unfair of me to keep leaning on you like this.”

At her words, V couldn’t help but wonder just how many of these late night, early morning phone calls had he missed. How often did she have to go crying to someone else in the middle of the night because of him? He didn’t want to think about just how badly he had hurt her.

Some of his typical forced cheer seeped into his voice as Saeyoung responded, probably in an attempt to cheer her up. “Hey, I’m your best friend. Of course I’m here when you need me. Defender of Justice 707 never rests when pretty girls are in need of shoulders to cry on.”

Just as both V and he’s sure Saeyoung knew she would, MC saw right through his cheery façade. “You know it’s more than that. We’re-”

“Best friends, I already said that.” Something almost urgent seeped into his voice as he cut her off and a feeling of apprehension washed over V.

MC continued from where she had been cut off, not dissuaded by Saeyoung’s attempt to avoid whatever it was that they both knew but had been apparently avoiding talking about. “We’re soulmates, Saeyoung.”

_What._

“You and I both already know that. Hell, I’ve known it since the day I met you.”

_MC and Saeyoung were soulmates?_

“But you were so stand-offish when we first met, and I didn’t even really believe that soulmates had that strong of a bond anyway. Ha… if only I’d known then what I known now. Nothing can beat the soulmate bond, no matter how much we want it to.”

Pain and longing snaked together in Saeyoung’s voice as V could just picture the tortured expression on his face. “MC…”

V felt a rush of confusion at this new information. If Saeyoung and MC were soulmates, then why hadn’t they gotten together, after all this time? What on earth is making them put each other through such pain? Then he felt a cold wave wash over him as he realized exactly what it was that was holding them back.

_It's me._

Before he had fully finished processing this revelation, V heard MC start to talk again. “So I’m sorry. For ruining your chance with your soulmate. For making you listen to my love problems when I know how much agony it must put you through. For being unable to leave him even now. I’m sorry I’m so selfish. Maybe I really am like her.”

He had driven her to this? To doubting her innate goodness and kindness?

Saeyoung’s intensity from earlier returned as he said, “You stop with that nonsense right now. You are nothing like her. You are so much better than her in every way, even if the stupid soulmate bond won’t let V realize that.”

Every word felt like a knife twisted in V’s heart as he knew it was true.

From his position in the doorway, he saw MC roll her eyes, a fond smile on her face despite herself. “That stupid soulmate bond is the only reason you think this.”

Saeyoung was having none of it. “Nonsense. Even someone who was blind, deaf, and mute could tell how amazing you are, MC.”

She was beyond amazing.

MC stared down at her phone, longing plain on her face. “… I truly don’t deserve you,” she said softly, and V could feel her heartbreak.

_I don’t deserve her._

“It is the world that doesn’t deserve you, MC.”

A blush flushed her cheeks intense enough that V could make it out, even in the low light. After a moment, she said, “… I should go. He’s probably going to wake up soon.”

He felt a stab of guilt for overhearing this conversation that she clearly hadn’t wanted him to hear, and then another that these thoughts were something she felt she had to keep from him.

Saeyoung chuckled into the phone. “Oh, can’t have him knowing about our secret rendezvous, kitten?”

She laughed at his poor impression and said, “Eww, no don’t imitate Zen, it sounds so wrong.”

V has never heard anyone sound so in love as Saeyoung did when he said, “You finally laughed.”

The blush was back. “… Well you finally said something funny!”

Saeyoung immediately responded, voice indignant, though V could hear the smile in his voice. “You wound me! I am always funny!”

“Sure,” MC said, before both she and Saeyoung both burst into laughter, V could actually see MC’s shoulders shaking from the force of it from here. It wasn’t until their laughter died down, minutes later, that Saeyoung spoke again, voice soft and pleading.

“Can you at least promise me that you’ll think about putting your own happiness first for once?”

V watched as MC tensed up in response to the question. “Saeyoung…”

“Just think about it. That’s all I’m asking. And I’m not saying you have to come be with me or anything like that. Hell, if it would make you happy to disappear, start over, I would help you. But please. I want you to be happy.”

She stared down at the phone for a long moment, and V wished it was lighter, so he could more clearly see the emotions he knew were warring across her face. “…I’ll think about it.”

She didn’t have to, V knew what he had to do. He would do the right thing by her, for once.

Saeyoung sounded relieved that at least she didn’t flat out refuse him, even if she didn’t immediately agree. “Good. Now go wake up sleeping beauty in the other room and get him to make you some breakfast or something. He has to work to earn his keep.”

MC laughed and smiled down at her phone. “If that’s how you treat Saeran, no wonder he complains about you so much.”

“He’s been tattling on me! Some twin he is! I’m off to go give him something to really complain about!” V sent up a silent prayer that whatever Saeyoung planned to do to his brother, it wouldn’t be too bad.

“Ha ha, tell him I said good morning if he doesn’t end up killing you in response.” Hearing the amusement in her voice made V realize just how rare it was for him to hear it there anymore.

“Roger that! Talk to you later.”

“Bye.” They hung up and MC smiled down at her phone. Taking a deep breath, V walked out from the bedroom to just behind her, bending down to kiss the top of her head. 

“Good morning. What has you up so early?”

He ached to see the panic in her eyes that he might have overheard her conversation, the awkward attempt of a bluff she gives. “I woke up to get a drink when I got a call from Saeyoung. Seems like you weren’t the only one in the nightmare party tonight.”

A plausible lie. Any other morning, brain addled with sleep, he might have believed her. But now he was noticing the puffiness under her eyes, the unshed tears still gleaming there. “Ah, I see. That’s too bad. I hope it wasn’t a bad one.”

“Ha ha, no not at all, just a dream about his precious babies all burning up in a wreck. But you know Saeyoung, of course that was emergency enough to call me this early.”

He pauses, giving her a measured look before saying, “He is rather close to you isn’t he?”

She actually seems genuinely confused by this as she tilts her head to the side quizzically. “Saeyoung? Of course he is. We’re best friends. I would say that the only person closer to him might be Saeran, but he’s cheating with the whole twin advantage thing.”

He nodded before bending down and grabbing her hands from where they were fidgeting on the table. “Come sit with me?”

She was still confused, but now he saw her immediate concern bleed in, always concerned with his well being before her own. “Is something wrong?”

He shook his head as he gave her hands a tug, helping pull her up towards him. “No, nothing wrong. I just think there’s something we need to talk about. I think it’s something we’ve needed to talk about for some time.”

He could feel her tense at his words, and as she allowed him to lead her to the living room and pull her down next to him on the couch, nerves were practically radiating from her. How could he have made such a strong girl this hurt?

“What is it we need to talk about? Is it something about the next party, because I-”

“MC,” immediately she stopped talking as she looked at him, and he could tell that she knew what he was about to say. He could see the heartbreak she was already beginning to feel. But even if it would cause her pain now, he knew that this was what he had to do. This was what was best for her. He took a deep breath and steeled himself for what he was about to say. “We need to break up.”

She pulled her hands from his as she pulled back from him, wrapping her arms protectively around herself. “What are you saying, Jihyun?”

“I said we need to-”

She glared at him through unshed tears. “I heard what you said Jihyun, I’m asking you why, dammit. Why? Why do we have to break up? Do you not love me anymore?”

He looked at her and her pain and knew he would never regret anything more than not being able to love this woman as much as she deserved. “Of course I still love you.”

“Then why? I love you and you love me, that’s enough-”

“You’re not her.” Immediately silence fell over the room as hurt washed over her features. He tried to reach out, to comfort her somehow, only for her to flinch back, away from his touch. It hurt but he supposed he deserved that. “You’re not her,” he repeated, settling his hands into his lap. “And because you are not her, I will never be able to love you as much as you deserve.”

The anger came back at that, even stronger, as veritable fires blazed in her eyes. “Who are you to tell me what I deserve, Jihyun! To tell me what I need! I decide for myself what I want and where I need to be, and I want to be with you!”

He just smiled sadly at her and shook his head. “I can’t let you keep holding yourself back from happiness for my sake. I’ll be fine, so-”

She exploded. It was like a bomb had went off, destroying any dams she had built to hold back her hurt, and he watched as torrent after torrent poured out of her. “You’ll be fine?! Oh, well I’m so glad you’ll be fine Jihyun, that’s great for you. I’m so glad that letting me go is that easy for you! Really, what a relief that this past year together has meant literally nothing to you! But you know what, Jihyun, I won’t be fine. I won’t just be able to shrug it off. Because I love you, you absolute asshole. I love you and I love living with you and loving you. I know that I’ll never be her. I know you’ll never love me that much. But that’s okay because I can love you enough to make up for that. I don’t need to be your soulmate, I just need you to let me stay by your side, please. I love you.”

And just as sudden as her outburst was, it ended abruptly too, and silence overtook them. When he noticed she was shaking, he again reached out to try and hold her, ease pain somehow, but the moment his fingers grazed her, she jumped back like she had been burned. When he didn’t say anything, she spoke again, her voice quiet and small in a way he had never heard it before. “Why are you saying this now, after all this time?”

He turned his gaze back to the dining table, where her phone was still lying, screen now dark in slumber. As her gaze followed his, a slow, horrified look of realization dawned on her face. “You heard me.”

“Yes.”

“How much did you hear?”

“From when you said you wished you were enough for me.”

He could see her try to get angry over his violation of her privacy, over the fact that he eavesdropped for so long, but she didn’t seem to have the energy for it. Instead she just sagged down against the couch as the tears that had been threatening to spill for so long finally crested over her cheek. “I do love you,” she whispered desperately, like it might change something. They both knew it wouldn’t.

“I know.”

This time when he reached for her, she allowed him to pull her close. Her small hands, her incredibly kind hands that had pulled him out of so many nightmares, that had only ever treated him with love, clung to his shirt for dear life as she sobbed against his chest. He bent down and kissed her head, wishing only that he had had the strength to do this sooner. Then he might have spared her some of this pain.

They stayed like that for a long while, two broken people holding each other, mourning the fact that they weren’t strong enough to help put the other back together. Eventually her sobs quieted to just the occasional ragged breath, though the shaking never stopped. When she finally went to speak, she took a deep breath to steady herself, breath shuddering as she did so. “Is there no way for us to stay together?”

He pulled back from her just enough to look into her eyes. He reached a hand up to cup the edge of her face, wipe away some of the tears. He smiled sadly down at her and shook his head. “I may not love you nearly as much as you deserve, but I do love you enough to let you go.”

More tears fell from her eyes as she forced a wobbly smile on her face. “I’m going to miss you.”

God, how he ever thought he had deserved even a moment of her time? “I’m going to miss you too. And it may be a bit too soon, given that we have literally just broken up, but I wish you and Saeyoung all the happiness in the world. You deserve it.”

A laugh burst of from her seemingly against her will and she moved out of his arms to rest against the back of the couch. He let her go easily. When she looked back up at him, her smile was a bit more steady this time. “Definitely too soon.” There was a pause and he thought that that would be the end of it, but after a few more moments, he heard her quietly whisper, “Thank you.” Though whether she actually intended for him to hear it or not he didn’t know, and so opted to say nothing. 

They sat there in silence together for a while, neither of them really knowing what they should do next, but V started to notice MC fidgeting and casting more than one glance over to her phone where it was lying on the table.

Nodding over to it, he said, “You can call him, if you want. I’m sure this is something that you want to talk to him about.”

She shot him a grateful smile and stood up, hurrying over to the table. When she picked up her phone, she hesitated for a moment, looking over at V, as if unsure of whether she wanted to have this conversation in front of him. Finally, she said, “I’ll be right back,” and walked out of the room, towards his studio, to get a little privacy.

As he watched her go, he smiled softly, thinking about the future that lied ahead for two of the people he truly loved most in this world. He stood and walked over to the window that looked out into their backyard, closing his eyes as he felt the warm rays of the early morning sun fall on his face through the glass, as soft as a caress. For the first time in a long while, he felt at peace.

**Author's Note:**

> Suprise! I'm not dead! Don't know if I'll go back to my on-going works or not, but I decided to stop letting that keep me from writing. Not 100% satisfied with the ending, but this has been sitting around almost finished for probably over a year, and I just wanted to finish it and put it out.


End file.
